TwoXChromosomes

I live in a red county in a red state and I don’t know how much longer I can handle the way boys are raised around here. Although I’m at a point where I think moving to a progressive area might not be any better because plenty of it is coming from progressive friends/family too.

You can put all this time and energy into raising kind, empathetic boys who know the real history of our founding fathers and slavery and existing sentiments, and raise them to believe boys and girls are equal. But you send them out into the world to go to school and friends’ homes and they’re constantly inundated with this bigoted garbage.

And this sweet 8yo boy who I grew in my belly, and rocked to sleep, and read books to comes home and repeats sexist jokes, or fat jokes. I know he’s just 8 and trying to find his place in the world. He has no idea that that stuff is harmful and I’m teaching him. But it’s so soul-crushing. I feel like my own baby is being weaponized against me.

I thought we were all collectively learning and trying to do better. But the parents around here, the dads especially, are so fucking mean to their sons. They baby and coddle their daughters and just seem to fucking hate their sons I stg, even many of the progressive parents I know. And the biggest influence in these boys’ lives, even at this young age, is YouTube. It’s Mr. Beast and just a never-ending cast of ignorant white men who post video game content.

I just think, I’m being too sensitive. Or maybe I’m just at a breaking point. But it’s so hard with everything already going on, and has been going on for just years and years and won’t stop, that I can’t even escape it in my own home. I can’t turn off social media or the news to get once second of solace to care for myself. Whatever those people want to say, they’ll just tell it their sons, who will tell it to my son, who will tell it to me.

Is anyone else dealing with this? My son is a sweetheart and cares a lot about my feelings and others. And when I explain to him why certain things his friend says bothers me he tries to understand. But I also can’t parent these other kids who have a significant influence on him. And it feels like a never-ending battle. How do you ensure you are raising good men? I want my son to grow up to be happy with close male friends who care about him and women in his life who he cares for and they care for him. And it just doesn’t even feel like it’s out there.

Edit: There are too many comments to respond to all of them but I have read every single one and am continuing to do so. Thank you all for the overwhelming support. It’s really encouraging and it can never be overestimated the power of simply knowing you’re not alone. I felt completely alone this morning and I appreciate all of you taking the time to show me otherwise.

The most lethal men's jobs in the country are

-logger (50-100 deaths per year)

-roofer (100-120 deaths per year)

-fishing and hunting workers (~19 deaths per year)

-waste collection (~35 deaths per year)

-aircraft engineering (50 to 100 deaths per year)

A total of 375 deaths in a bad year.

Between 650 to 1200 women die from childbirth or pregnancy complications) per year. And that doesn't include the top cause of death for pregnant women, which is murder by their male partners.

I don't ever want to hear about how men take all the risks in society ever again.

Especially since men can choose what jobs they want. Without abortion rights, women who get pregnant against their will don't get to decide.

Women aren't mad enough.

EDIT: I've read the top comments against using "total deaths" below and I've come to agree that "per 100k rates" is a more accurate way to measure this. The overarching point about men's labor risk vs women's pregnancy risk does not change. Here's death rate for men's overall labor versus women's pregnancy. Linked from another comment. Note that the majority of women will become pregnant at some point in their lifetime, but only a minority of men will be employed in life-threatening jobs.

there are 32.9 maternal deaths per 100k births in the US (https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2024/03/13/1238269753/maternal-mortality-overestimate-deaths-births-health-disparities#:~:text=The%20CDC's%20National%20Center%20for,NPR%20and%20other%20news%20outlets.)

6.1 deaths per full time male workers (https://www.bls.gov/iif/#:~:text=News%20Releases,-Total%20of%205%2C283&text=There%20were%205%2C283%20fatal%20work,down%20from%203.7%20in%202022.&text=In%202024%2C%20employers%20reported%202.5,down%20from%202.4%20in%202023.)

Final Edit: Some people are confused about the point of this post. Let me break it down.

Society requires two things to survive: labor (to acquire resources, etc) and humans.

The risks men take to labor (6.1/100k death rate) do not come anywhere close to the risks women take to make humans (32.9/100k death rate).

Yet men are constantly valorized for risking their lives for society, and the risks women take are monstrously downplayed. This is especially important to remember as women's rights are being stripped away, and more women are cajoled into getting pregnant and giving birth.

We aren't mad enough.

Ever since my brain fully developed at 25yo, I realised that things ARE that deep. I feel this way especially when I consume any Japanese media, mainly Anime. The crazy amount of fanservice and normalisation of pedophilia, sexism, and misogyny takes me out of the show. Whenever I raise these topics up to other anime viewers, the men see no issues with it while other women told me to just close an eye to it. I tried my best to ignore these issues but it just enrage me and I feel like I'm part of the system by consuming it.