I’m a successful Indian woman working in finance, and I’ve been talking to a guy for a marriage setup. Honestly, on paper, he is the best match I’ve had so far among my options. He’s an Indian-origin resident doctor in the US, comes from a well-off family, is physically fit, extremely disciplined, and very well-mannered. When we first started talking, we really hit it off. What stood out to me right away was how progressive he seemed, as he surprisingly told me he fully supports me working and dressing however I want and help out in household chores after marriage, which is pretty rare in our culture.
However, as we kept talking, things took a weird turn. I casually asked him why someone as fully capable as him was choosing the arranged marriage route instead of dating locally. He said his schedule was hectic, but then added that he "can't put up with modern American women." That led into a deeper, darker conversation where he admitted his absolute greatest fear is ending up divorced in his 40s, alone in a foreign country after his parents pass away. When I pushed back on why he was so paranoid, he claimed that many women don't think straight, cheat, and leave for no reason, so he’d rather be "safe than sorry."
Then came the topic of past relationships. When we touched on honesty and history, he cryptically told me, "If you lie, I would know," which immediately made me feel uneasy.
when we started talking about my move to the US. Although I am successful and financially independent in my career, I don't have an American passport, so I will initially be entirely dependent on him for my visa and living situation. While discussing this setup, he suddenly dropped the line: "A man can have someone's life in his hands and still choose to stay, that’s called being virtuous" My heart instantly sank. He then proceeded to laugh and tried to joke it off ???
I honestly don't know what to make of all this. Is he just making dark, sarcastic jokes because he's hyper-anxious and stressed from residency, or is he laying the groundwork to visa trap and control me? Since he’s the best option on paper I’ve had yet, especially given how progressive he seemed about my work and clothes, I feel so torn. Am I overthinking a guy who is just scared
or is this a massive red flag? Would love to hear thoughts, especially from women in arranged marriages or immigrants in the US.
An extensive new study of 300 million medical tests that involve more than 1 million women shows that menopause may bring about more sudden changes in the female body than expected. Researchers who correlated the data with the time when women had their last period found sudden changes in their bodies: hormones, bones, liver, iron and kidney levels. For instance, ferritin (iron stores) seems unchanging throughout life, but it shows a sudden rise at menopause. In addition, the researchers learned that hormonal changes begin at least ten years before menopause, which accounts for many feelings of perimenopause experienced. Though the article is only a preprint (has not yet undergone proper peer-reviewing procedure), it contains interesting content.